You want to know what gut wrenching misery feels like? Wait until you feel the loss of someone/something you love. For those that have experienced it, you know this is a feeling that will not simply dissipate with a bottle of rum. It takes years. Years of well practiced abolition of painful memories. Sometimes the only way to move forward is to forget. But how do you bring yourself to forget something you love? Time too can make the burden lighter. However, past loss will simply be replaced with the punishing nature of fresh absence and gut wrenching anxiety. Anxiety that will ooze from the crevasses of your broken heart. You will feel things you never felt possible and you will feel them again and again because love lost is punishing. It is so punishing it can break even the strongest of us. What hope is there for the weak? Where do we turn?

Currently, I cannot help but cast my mind forward. I keep thinking about the torture that awaits me. Will I be able to withstand hit after hit? I don’t know that I want to.