Dear James,

Thank you for the contribution you have made to my life. I feel blessed for having known you.

When I think of you, I think of someone so creative and with such so much flair. I remember watching Suit Up and being so proud that this little production evolved from the mind of someone I knew. Your skill behind the camera and love of visual mediums is clear.

My earliest memories of our time together, spent mostly in the virtual realm, would be your arrival on OzFreaks. You were a little late to the game. Whilst we were all discussing the ins and outs of Freaks and Geeks you had still not seen all the episodes. You were an Undeclared fan boy and very passionate. JCriquet, as you were known was an articulate and witty individual and soon became a forum regular. I think Adam “Splash”, even labelled you our mascot/cheerleader as you had so much spirit.

Your contributions to our conversations were always welcome. You kept me company many a night when we were both going through our “post-high school where-to-now slump”. I think if there was someone I could guarantee would still be up at 4am it would be you. It was always nice to see your name on the list of online users when I couldn’t sleep and needed a distraction.

One thing that set you apart from the rest of us was that you were always so social. I think whilst some of us resisted for a long time you encouraged meet-ups and helped forge friendships in the “real world”. Your travels around Australia saw you link in with so many of us and you always managed to pack your OzFreaks sweatshirt. An indication of your commitment and love to our cause. I believe that is the only piece of OzFreaks merchandise in existence to this very day.

I was pleasantly surprised when you accepted an invitation to my wedding. It meant a lot to have you there; having travelled from Adelaide for the occasion and you caught my garter also, poor you! I do wonder what became of it. Thanks for being there for me on that important day. You looked so stylish and had the best dance moves on the floor.

You have by now seen how much the news of your illness has affected people. I see that so many of your beloved family and friends have rallied around you and I know that you are so, so loved. I can only hope to have the same level of love and support there for me if and when I need it.

I think of you fondly, always and I wish you much love and strength. Thanks for being a part of my life. My one, only and most loved Adelaidian friend.

Much Love,

Natalie “geekynat” Morgan (van der Loo)

David Worth: So, why are you so hell bent on getting this script back?
Jonathan Ames : Well, because I have a chance to work with Jim Jarmusch. And if I do, my whole life could change.
David Worth : Hmm… Sounds like an illusion to me. Lives don’t change. We simply become more comfortable with our core misery. Which is a form of happiness.

- Bored to Death

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

- Robert Frost

I adore this poem. Simply beautiful imagery. There is beauty there with such an element of sadness at the edges.

I just purchased a little charm from Etsy with “Miles to go before I sleep” on it. That line has so much resonance with me. It was such a good find! The Etsy site is my new best friend.

I didn’t want my picture taken because I was going to cry.  I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I’d cry for a week.  I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.

~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.

The reason you haven’t felt it is because it doesn’t exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You’re born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I’m living like there’s no tomorrow, because there isn’t one.

- Don Draper

This quote from Mad Men speaks the truth.  Sad but true.

Some things you hear only once but they make complete and utter sense.

“For Glynis to get from deciding to the doing was like leaping the stumps of a washed out bridge. To put it another way, she had the engine, but a faulty ignition switch. Glynis could decide to do something and then nothing would happen. It was an interior thing, a design flaw, and probably not one she could fix.”

- Lionel Shriver, “So Much for That”.

This passage is taken from a novel I am reading at the moment, “So Much for That”. The author wrote a book I found quite interesting named “We Need to Talk About Kevin”, thus I was drawn to this new story. I highly recommend “We Need to Talk About Kevin” as reading material. I love the way it  examines the relationship between mother and son and the depths with which the narrator struggles with her inherent dislike for him in a world where unconditional love between a mother and child is expected.

I just found out that this novel has been made into a film produced and staring Tilda Swinton (A really awesome red head!) who I think is an exceptional actress so I am excited to see it!

I am not sure how I will like this current novel but I will keep you posted! The particular passage above was one that just stood out on the page. I feel this articulates greatly my own personal lethargy. Big ideas but no motor to power them.

I am quite drowsy as I write this post. Please excuse any flaws.

In honour, I will post this line from Tamerlane (Part II) by Edgar Allan Poe:

“Scorching my seared heart with a pain, not hell shall make me fear again.”

I find it beautiful and meaningful. Obviously, not entirely positive but not negative so that’s a start.