Dear James,

Thank you for the contribution you have made to my life. I feel blessed for having known you.

When I think of you, I think of someone so creative and with such so much flair. I remember watching Suit Up and being so proud that this little production evolved from the mind of someone I knew. Your skill behind the camera and love of visual mediums is clear.

My earliest memories of our time together, spent mostly in the virtual realm, would be your arrival on OzFreaks. You were a little late to the game. Whilst we were all discussing the ins and outs of Freaks and Geeks you had still not seen all the episodes. You were an Undeclared fan boy and very passionate. JCriquet, as you were known was an articulate and witty individual and soon became a forum regular. I think Adam “Splash”, even labelled you our mascot/cheerleader as you had so much spirit.

Your contributions to our conversations were always welcome. You kept me company many a night when we were both going through our “post-high school where-to-now slump”. I think if there was someone I could guarantee would still be up at 4am it would be you. It was always nice to see your name on the list of online users when I couldn’t sleep and needed a distraction.

One thing that set you apart from the rest of us was that you were always so social. I think whilst some of us resisted for a long time you encouraged meet-ups and helped forge friendships in the “real world”. Your travels around Australia saw you link in with so many of us and you always managed to pack your OzFreaks sweatshirt. An indication of your commitment and love to our cause. I believe that is the only piece of OzFreaks merchandise in existence to this very day.

I was pleasantly surprised when you accepted an invitation to my wedding. It meant a lot to have you there; having travelled from Adelaide for the occasion and you caught my garter also, poor you! I do wonder what became of it. Thanks for being there for me on that important day. You looked so stylish and had the best dance moves on the floor.

You have by now seen how much the news of your illness has affected people. I see that so many of your beloved family and friends have rallied around you and I know that you are so, so loved. I can only hope to have the same level of love and support there for me if and when I need it.

I think of you fondly, always and I wish you much love and strength. Thanks for being a part of my life. My one, only and most loved Adelaidian friend.

Much Love,

Natalie “geekynat” Morgan (van der Loo)

When we adopted Darcy I was not in a good place. I was deeply depressed. I was anxious. My life was stagnate. He helped lift me. He was my constant. This little dog barely left my side. For whatever reason he chose me to follow. He saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself.

Darcy was adopted from a shelter. My sister and I convinced our Mum to let us get another dog after seeing one advertised in the local newspaper. That particular dog was taken but instead my Mum and sister came home with Darcy.

He wasn’t a young dog, middle aged you might say and he had lived a sad life. He was surrendered to the shelter by an elderly couple that didn’t or couldn’t look after him and later surrendered again by a young couple that didn’t want him. I think it had to do with the fact he had severe allergies. He would be fine and then suddenly it would hit and he would scratch and bite for days on end. He suffered so much but he was so brave. As frustrating as this biting and scratching could be I could never of loved him any less.

Darcy slept on my bed. He sat with me and kept me company when I was sad. He made life bearable. I could hug his soft furry body, this little Shih-Tzu, with a playful nature and forget for even a brief moment my troubles. Darcy would look up at me like I was someone important, just stare up watching my every move, it would melt my heart.

When I moved out it broke me to leave him with my parents. I did. I regret it more now than ever. I feel like I deserted him. He loved me so much. If I could go back to that time I would never have done. I would have convinced my Mother to let me take him. I would have found a rental property that let me have dogs. I guess I had no concept of how little time I really had left with him.

One day he started limping. It seemed to start from nowhere. We thought he had arthritis, he was getting old after all. The vet agreed. However, not long after that diagnosis my Mum found a lump. He had a scan and it was cancer. Fucking cancer. It was an aggressive form. The vet discussed removing his leg. Mum didn’t want this because he was already old and small she didn’t think he could be mobile after the operation. Nor did she want him to have chemotherapy and have his quality of life ruined. She made her choice. My instinct was to do anything and everything but it was not my choice to make.

Darcy became less active over time but he still loved food more than ever. He would even try and play with my sister’s dog Dexter as he had always done. Up until the last time I saw him he wanted to play with his stuffed toy and eat as much as he could. He had grown tired one could see and could not get around so well but I did not expect that he would not be there on my return two weeks later.

Darcy was put down, euthanased, whatever. There were reasons I am sure. I know it is selfish to want to keep something/someone alive because you cannot let go. However, I am not a noble person. I do not want to feel loss or pain. I do not want to experience separation. I want to have my dog, alive. If you could feel my despair when I realised he was missing… well you could only then fully understand what this dog meant to me.

In honour of Darcy, I hope you can find it in your heart to adopt your next pet. Why not give your home and your love to an animal that needs it? Don’t support puppy mills and backyard breeders. Support those animals that are abandoned and need a home.

Farewell Darcy. I love you. I miss you.

That’s all I have ever wanted. Every time something feels wrong or bad and I just want to hide and make the miserableness go away I wish for these words.

Still, I am rarely reassured that “Everything will be all right”.

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

-Margery Williams Bianco ( The Velveteen Rabbit).

This book was possibly the very reason I as a child had an extreme physical attachment to material objects. The child loved his toy rabbit so much he made it come to life through sheer will.

I always considered my toys valuable objects. Where other children cast aside toy after toy I would not allow my Mother to throw even one away. I remember losing a small stuffed pony in a shopping centre and I was completely devastated. So much so that the feeling of distress is still etched in my mind. The panic of losing something I possessed, material though it was, made me completely crazy. It was replaced straight away with a small Cabbage Patch Doll figurine, but this was not equal to what I lost. The guilt of losing that toy could not be easily dissolved.

Now, as I revisit The Velveteen Rabbit, I realise how much I loved this story and how important the message was. A boy has a single toy that he puts all his love into. When he contracts scarlet fever the adults insist the toy must be burnt so as not to carry the infection. The rabbit is sadly cast aside in what is perhaps the lowest part of the story but is later saved!

He becomes real, real because he was once so loved by this child. That love carries through the story to the very end where despite the boy having moved on from his old toy rabbit, he doesn’t forget him. This is cemented in the story when he glimpses who he thinks is his old velveteen rabbit roaming freely in the wild.

It is such a lovely story in that it shows that no matter how old we get, the things we care for and  that sense of imagination and youth are always with us. This is despite developmental transition and life changes.

I loved this book so much I bought it for Sophie, my partner’s niece when she was born. I only hope she grows to love this story also.