I am trying to piece together my sense of self worth and focus on the future rather than the past.
I dwell though… and dwell and dwell some more. If there were a competition for dwelling I’d win. Even this writing is an example of me dwelling. See, can’t stop.
The CliffsNotes of my dwelling is that love is stronger than sense. Consequently, love remains at war with sense. Things aren’t pretty. There are casualties like trust and confidence. Can they be rebuilt, maybe? However, things can’t ever be the same. There will always be that creeping feeling that betrayal is just around the corner.
Subsisting on fear of betrayal is like sucking down water instead of air. It is going to ruin you eventually, it will choke you, leave you struggling to live, whether the betrayal is realised or not.
Fear and betrayal are sort of hard to get past. You seem to know this, but I’m going to say it out loud anyway. Usually they poison a relationship and stop you from ever trusting again. It’s not that it’s completely unworkable, but it’s exceedingly hard. If you’re prepared to work that hard, you have to also be sure your partner is. I’ve been in this situation, trust me when I tell you some things just can’t be fixed within the parameters of a person’s willingness to work on it.
I sense the poison seeping in. I am trying to picture a future without doubt but I can’t.
I’ve never been a trusting person, so give me a reason to distrust and my imagination goes wild.
I am prepared to work hard. I am working hard as we speak. I believe my partner is. I am watching with open eyes and hope in my heart.
I know that I can’t be a doormat but I also can’t be close-minded. I need to give things a chance.
I feel that B is extremely eloquent.
Thanks Dude. I try my best to sound smarter than I am.